I don’t know about you but of late I’ve been struck by just how little compassion there seems to be out of there. This lack of compassion comes in all shapes and sizes, knows no economic boundaries and sounds quite a bit like the following:
- Just move on, would you!;
- Whew, I’m of the hook!;
- That’s Not My Problem!;
- Heh, That’s the Past, Get Over it!;
- I’m just at a different place in my life. (I think the last one is perhaps the worst of all as it feigns sincerity and kindness.)
The etymology of the word compassion comes from the Latin stem meaning to “suffer with, feel pity”. Webster’s dictionary defines compassion as:”a feeling of being sorry for others”.
I find these definitions so inadequate. To me, compassion is so much more powerful than that. It is life affirming. It has the power to change another’s life completely. Rather than born of pity or sorrow, I believe it is built out of divine respect and love. It connects us all. And amazingly, it’s absolutely free. It costs nothing to give it.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of the need for tough love
from time to time. But too often it seems that folks these days choose tough love as their initial reaction rather than compassion. And too often it seems that tough love is really just judgment … in disguise. Can’t we as human beings
do better than that? I think so.
So perhaps the next time you are tempted to respond with tough love/judgment, you can lead the way toward making the world just a little better place and make yourself happier at the same time by passing the compassion. Please.
And always remember, You’re Never Stuck.
All the best,
Filed under Uncategorized
Greetings dear friends and my apologies for the long hiatus. Life has been a whirlwind of travel and fun (more on that at a future date) but I am officially back.
I’ve been thinking quite a bit about friendship these days; specifically what makes it tick and what makes it last. Three things come to mind.
1. Reciprocity: Yes, much like a marriage, friendships are a two way street. We can’t expect to ask for something and not give it in return. This came to mind of late after a request from a dear friend to stay more in touch. When she asked for that, not only did I feel awful for being so absent but I resolved to do better. So I embarked on a plan of staying more in touch even if it was just by text. But guess what, calls/texts/emails were sent and not much more than a peep back. No two way street there. Ouch, Ouch, OUCH! This not only has served as a vivid reminder of why I hadn’t been more in touch, is also a reminder that I too can do better at behaving in a reciprocal fashion.
2. Not a transaction: Many people mistake friendship for a transaction. I guess that underlying thought is ”What can I get from this person”. This “transaction” can take many forms: money, status, gifts, time and even one’s heart strings. If you have ever been on the receiving end of one of these friendships, you know how rewarding it is. (Not!) . Friendships like that may tick for a while but they don’t last.
3. It’s Fragile:Oh the things I wish I could take back when said out of fear . (Forget anger; anger is merely a “cover” emotion for fear). Now when I am tempted to lash out in anger, I take 3 breaths and ask myself what I am so afraid of . Try it, it’s life changing.
So what’s all this got to do with getting unstuck? Well, C.S. Lewis once said: ”Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.” And it’s often our friends who help get us unstuck. And that makes the effort to be the best friend you can be, totally worth it.
Filed under Attorneys, career, Change, Cover Letter, Forgiveness, Kindness, Life, Self Care, Self Help, Stuck, Wellness
Perhaps it’s the recent tragic shooting in Tucson, Arizona of Gabrielle Giffords and our current political climate, but I have been thinking lots about the practice of blame these days. It seems to be everywhere and getting worse. In order to change, we don’t need to debate how we got there, we can just look at its effects, how it showed up, and if we want to allow it to affect our own lives.
So in the spirit of “doing better,” the next time you catch yourself wanting to blame someone or something for your problems, consider this:
Blaming keeps you:
3. In shame
4. In denial
5. In permanent grief
The better, more empowering choice is to own up to responsibility. With responsibility, you receive:
1. The opportunity to genuinely learn from your mistakes.
2. Heal any appropriate guilt.
3. Open a new dialogue.
4. Move forward with your life.
So I ask you, which will you choose?
Patricia A. Comeford
Author, Lessons from a Headhunter with …Heart!
CEO, YOU’RE NEVER STUCK, INC., WWW.YOURENEVERSTUCK.COM