Tag Archives: Emotion

How To Dump Your Inner Mean Girl

Last week I was speaking with a long time business colleague and the subject turned to beliefs and specifically, limiting beliefs. Both us concluded that much of our adult life has been spent unlearning beliefs that no longer serve us. Crazy, huh?

 I first learned about “limiting beliefs” from Gail Straub and David Gerson in their fabulous workshops & books entitled Empowerment. (I know, an overused term but this was the 80’s folks and they were way ahead of the curve!)

In short, a limiting belief is exactly what it sounds like– it limits you. Like any belief, it can be rooted out but that’s not enough. They must be dumped.  My favorite way to dump them (discussed at length in Lesson 18, of my book, Lessons From a Headhunter… With Heart! ) is to turn them around them around until they work for me with a belief that expands me. 

So in the spirit of helping others learn my past tortured self, here’s a limiting belief I struggled with forever:

 I’m not good enough

I call this particular limiting belief: my inner mean girl. It’s a doozy, isn’t it?  It knows no bounds. Until we dump it, it often manifests itself in the relationships we choose; how well we take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually; how we groom ourselves and how we operate in the world. I’ve learned it’s really about deserving.  Here’s what my inner mean girl looked like for me:

  • I dated unavailable men in all shapes and sizes for years and years;
  •  I beat myself to a pulp running miles and miles that ruined my feet and ankles;;
  •  I didn’t advocate for myself with doctors when I knew there was something wrong with my thyroid;
  •  I didn’t think I deserved to own a house until I got married.

Excuse me, but what the what? Rest assured these beliefs were not ones my parents wanted for me. Both my parents were huge advocates for women. Frankly, I no longer spend time analyzing where I learned how to be mean to myself. I spend all my energy working the Turn-Around and the Expanding Belief.

Want to hear my Turn-Around? My Expanding Belief?  Let me know in the comments below and I’ll share it. And how about you? What does your inner mean girl sound like and how can I help you dump it?

With Love,

Patty Comeford Adams

Ps.  Two terrific resources on examining your limiting beliefs are:  (1)Renee Stephens’ fabulous free podcast @ docrenee.com; and (2)  Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life.

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Filed under Career Coach, Inspirational Themed Blogs, Self Help

Pass the Compassion…Please!

I don’t know about you but of late I’ve been struck by just how little compassion there seems to be out of there. This lack of compassion comes in all shapes and sizes, knows no economic boundaries and sounds quite a bit like the following:

  1. Just move on, would you!;
  2. Whew, I’m of the hook!;
  3. That’s Not My Problem!;
  4. Heh, That’s the Past, Get Over it!;
  5. I’m just at a different place in my life. (I think the last one is perhaps the worst of all as it feigns sincerity and kindness.)

The etymology of the word compassion comes from the Latin stem meaning to “suffer with, feel pity”.  Webster’s dictionary  defines compassion as:”a feeling of being sorry for others”.

I find these definitions so inadequate.   To me, compassion is so much more powerful than that. It is life affirming. It has the power to change another’s life completely. Rather than born of pity or sorrow, I believe it is built out of divine respect and love. It connects us all. And amazingly,  it’s absolutely free. It costs nothing to give it.
 Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of the need for tough love from time to time. But too often it seems that folks these days choose tough love as their initial reaction rather than compassion. And too often it seems that tough love is really just judgment … in disguise. Can’t we as human beings do better than that? I think so.
The Dalai Lama recognized the life affirming power of compassion  when he said: ” If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion”.
So perhaps the next time you are tempted to respond with tough love/judgment, you can lead the way toward making the world just a little better place and make yourself happier at the same time by  passing the  compassion. Please.
And always remember, You’re Never Stuck.
All the best,

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