Tag Archives: unstuck

How To Dump Your Inner Mean Girl

Last week I was speaking with a long time business colleague and the subject turned to beliefs and specifically, limiting beliefs. Both us concluded that much of our adult life has been spent unlearning beliefs that no longer serve us. Crazy, huh?

 I first learned about “limiting beliefs” from Gail Straub and David Gerson in their fabulous workshops & books entitled Empowerment. (I know, an overused term but this was the 80’s folks and they were way ahead of the curve!)

In short, a limiting belief is exactly what it sounds like– it limits you. Like any belief, it can be rooted out but that’s not enough. They must be dumped.  My favorite way to dump them (discussed at length in Lesson 18, of my book, Lessons From a Headhunter… With Heart! ) is to turn them around them around until they work for me with a belief that expands me. 

So in the spirit of helping others learn my past tortured self, here’s a limiting belief I struggled with forever:

 I’m not good enough

I call this particular limiting belief: my inner mean girl. It’s a doozy, isn’t it?  It knows no bounds. Until we dump it, it often manifests itself in the relationships we choose; how well we take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually; how we groom ourselves and how we operate in the world. I’ve learned it’s really about deserving.  Here’s what my inner mean girl looked like for me:

  • I dated unavailable men in all shapes and sizes for years and years;
  •  I beat myself to a pulp running miles and miles that ruined my feet and ankles;;
  •  I didn’t advocate for myself with doctors when I knew there was something wrong with my thyroid;
  •  I didn’t think I deserved to own a house until I got married.

Excuse me, but what the what? Rest assured these beliefs were not ones my parents wanted for me. Both my parents were huge advocates for women. Frankly, I no longer spend time analyzing where I learned how to be mean to myself. I spend all my energy working the Turn-Around and the Expanding Belief.

Want to hear my Turn-Around? My Expanding Belief?  Let me know in the comments below and I’ll share it. And how about you? What does your inner mean girl sound like and how can I help you dump it?

With Love,

Patty Comeford Adams

Ps.  Two terrific resources on examining your limiting beliefs are:  (1)Renee Stephens’ fabulous free podcast @ docrenee.com; and (2)  Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life.

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Filed under Career Coach, Inspirational Themed Blogs, Self Help

Curt Schilling: Everyone’s (reluctant) hero

As it’s a busy week at the “Adams Ranch” preparing for an event at our home for our favorite charity, Children’s Hospital & Clinics of Minnesota (www.childrensmn.org), this blog post will be brief.  Frankly, this particular post was unplanned…until I woke up yesterday and read fellow blogger Curt Schilling’s post on the bullying and despicable behavior experienced by his daughter. My blood has been boiling ever since!

In case you missed it, Curt Schilling is a well-regarded baseball pitcher, a proud American and a man of faith.  He writes a blog called 38 Pitches at  http://www. 38pitches.wordpress.com.  Innocently enough and like any proud parent, he recently tweeted about his daughter’s acceptance to college and upcoming pitching career.  The barrage of utterly vulgar and beyond inappropriate tweets in response to his innocent post stopped him in his tracks and he went on the offensive. And, if it hasn’t already, it should stop you in your tracks as well.  The story did make its way to Good Morning America and a few other outlets. You can also read a G-rated synopsis of it all here in People Magazine:

http://www.people.com/article/curt-schilling-defends-daughter-against-cyber-bullies?xid=socialflow_twitter_peoplemag

That said, a big question looms. What are we doing as society, as parents, aunts, uncles,  grandparents , citizens to cultivate such behavior?  We can’t sit by and blame the other guy,  that bad parent, the government, the media. That’s a cop-out. If that’s our response, it will never change and it simply must change. Getting off social media isn’t the answer either; it’s here to stay and does its own good in many cases. (Think: #ALS Ice Bucket Challenge)

So what can we do?

Well for starters, you can all read Curt’s blog and share your outrage on social media. One of these young men was fired at his part-time job at the Yankees for  his despicable tweet; others’ accounts (but not all) were suspended. That’s a start but many were involved and they need to be called out.

Secondly, much like the hateful Tweets/Posts to Robin William’s daughter after her father’s death , we can keep the pressure on Facebook, Twitter and other social media websites to disable bullies’ accounts. In my view, it should be a one strike and you’re out. After all, it’s our internet too and it’s time to take it back from these thugs.

Lastly, while many employers already review applicants’ and employees’ social media postings, we can bring such reprehensible behavior to employers’ attention and encourage them to change their policy manuals to ensure firing for cause in such cases. Just think ~ if someone knew they were going to lose their job, would they do this? Sure maybe a few knuckleheads  would; but loss of a job is often a powerful motivator. We need more of that motivation apparently .

Yes, so in my book, Curt Schilling (most likely reluctantly)  is everyone’s hero. Let’s get the internet unstuck and give Curt and his beautiful daughter the gift of action. It’s way more important than what color #thedress is!

With love,

Patty Comeford Adams

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Filed under Self Help