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How To Dump Your Inner Mean Girl

Last week I was speaking with a long time business colleague and the subject turned to beliefs and specifically, limiting beliefs. Both us concluded that much of our adult life has been spent unlearning beliefs that no longer serve us. Crazy, huh?

 I first learned about “limiting beliefs” from Gail Straub and David Gerson in their fabulous workshops & books entitled Empowerment. (I know, an overused term but this was the 80’s folks and they were way ahead of the curve!)

In short, a limiting belief is exactly what it sounds like– it limits you. Like any belief, it can be rooted out but that’s not enough. They must be dumped.  My favorite way to dump them (discussed at length in Lesson 18, of my book, Lessons From a Headhunter… With Heart! ) is to turn them around them around until they work for me with a belief that expands me. 

So in the spirit of helping others learn my past tortured self, here’s a limiting belief I struggled with forever:

 I’m not good enough

I call this particular limiting belief: my inner mean girl. It’s a doozy, isn’t it?  It knows no bounds. Until we dump it, it often manifests itself in the relationships we choose; how well we take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually; how we groom ourselves and how we operate in the world. I’ve learned it’s really about deserving.  Here’s what my inner mean girl looked like for me:

  • I dated unavailable men in all shapes and sizes for years and years;
  •  I beat myself to a pulp running miles and miles that ruined my feet and ankles;;
  •  I didn’t advocate for myself with doctors when I knew there was something wrong with my thyroid;
  •  I didn’t think I deserved to own a house until I got married.

Excuse me, but what the what? Rest assured these beliefs were not ones my parents wanted for me. Both my parents were huge advocates for women. Frankly, I no longer spend time analyzing where I learned how to be mean to myself. I spend all my energy working the Turn-Around and the Expanding Belief.

Want to hear my Turn-Around? My Expanding Belief?  Let me know in the comments below and I’ll share it. And how about you? What does your inner mean girl sound like and how can I help you dump it?

With Love,

Patty Comeford Adams

Ps.  Two terrific resources on examining your limiting beliefs are:  (1)Renee Stephens’ fabulous free podcast @ docrenee.com; and (2)  Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life.



Filed under Career Coach, Inspirational Themed Blogs, Self Help

Dream a little (No, BIG) Dream

Happy Monday and Happy Thanksgiving.
Maybe it’s because Thanksgiving is already here or that New Year is right around the corner, but folks have been asking me lots about how to help them find their “dream job” and all that.  Mainly it sounds like this: “Given the current status of our economy, how can I ever hope to get my dream job?”
I know it’s easy to get discouraged right now.  Negative news is everywhere but here are some quick keys to get you through it all and how not to give up on your dream:
1.  Turn off all negative stuff:  I did this myself this past summer and the results were immediate and amazing.  My overall attitude and feelings of well being improve immensely.  Trust me, I still watched the news but if a story was negative, I changed the channel.  And, if you feel you need to stay connected with the news watch the news when you get home but do not watch the news just prior to going to bed.  None of us need all that rolling around in our brain at night!
2.  Check your dream:  What I mean here is to check that your dream is realistic. Now don’t you go and decide that for yourself (it is too easy to talk yourself out of your dream, get discouraged or not go for it all). Check your dream with someone who would know and has your best intentions at heart.  Someone in that field. Or a career coach. Or a school counselor.  Or a mentor.  Or a peer.  In other words, get independent advice of someone without a hidden agenda.
3.  Research, Research, Research:  There’s an old saying that 99 percent of success is in the preparation.  So do your research. We live in the land of the internet and social networking like LinkedIn and Twitter. You can reach unprecedented numbers of people in many different ways.  It’s vital to educate yourself so you can create a realistic new life/career plan.
4.  Breathe: Yup, the best de-stressor I know.  This is new for me and it works. Everytime.
5.  Create your own little mini board of directors:  When I started my first company, I did this.  Mind you, we didn’t regularly meet (would have been better if we had, I never got around to that) but, I had my “go to people.”  I went to them when I got stuck on any variety of issues such as employee issues, financial issues, life-balance and marketing issues. If you are stuck on how to create one for yourself, email me at pcomeford@youreneverstuck.com and we’ll brainstorm.
6.  Practice Gratitude: I think gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in the Universe.  We can’t just practice this one week out of the year, it’s best as a daily practice.  For me, that practice has helped me through the good and the bad in all aspects of my life. I love the website www.thankfulfor.com.  The website features a gratitude journal where I write 3 or 4 things down.  I don’t do this every day but each and every time I do it, my whole attitude—my whole being enters a different space.  It’s magical for me.  Give gratitude a go, however you choose to do so, and observe how life changing and attitude changing it can be.
7.  Remember that your current success & “failures”  brought you to today:  What I mean by that is that you’re here today because of past successes.  Many successful lawyers and business professionals that I coach worry year to year that their business will dry up.  Yes, that can happen if you aren’t keeping informed in your industry and marketing yourself, but my experience overall is that we all torture ourselves with that and it’s often just anxiety . So my best advice is to gently let it go.
The main point of all this is.  Take your power back and take ownership of your dreams.  Maybe after doing your research, your dream needs to change, alter or get tweaked a bit.  But don’t just toss your dreams out with the leftover Thanksgiving turkey and stuffing because the economy is bad!  Dream, dream big, dream really big!  In that regard, one of the best quotes I have come across that has always kept me going is by Joan Baez… “Action is the antidote to despair.”  Now, how powerful is that? 

In Love & Gratitude,

Patricia A. Comeford

Author, Lessons from a Headhunter with …Heart!


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Filed under Career Coach, Career/Job Related Blogs, Job Change, Job Offer, Life, Personal Growth, Recruiter, Self Help, Spirituality, Success

The Busy Myth

I am struck by just how busy we have all become.  How we actually embrace “being busy” as if it’s a good friend that we like to hang out with.  There are even people who buy vanity plates (especially in Scottsdale……geezzzzzzz) for their cars so they can let everyone know just how truly busy they are. I am even more struck by WHY people (including me at times) keep themselves so busy.  In other words, the reasons people choose to stay busy.  Yes, it is a choice– a big choice. I learned that through the work of Byron Katie, Martha Beck, Louise Hay, Debbie Ford and Karen Casey.

I’ve also learned this being busy thing is a “story” we tell ourselves.  I call it “The Busy Myth.”  Now this “choice and story stuff” was pretty hard for me to swallow when I first heard it.  I resisted and so do many of my clients–at first. But stick with me here, and read the quick examples of how we made a different choice and turned this around for ourselves.

Busy Myth 1: It won’t be like this when … (Fill in the blank with your “story”:  I finish school/college, the house is clean, I’m out of debt and bills are paid, the kids are grown, hit xxx in revenues, the board meeting is over). 

You’re Never Stuck Choice: Yes, it will. You and I created this busy-mess all by ourselves.  If you create something once, chances are you will create it again. Unless… you consciously choose differently.  Choosing differently requires that we recognize the “Story” we are telling ourselves (the above fill in the blanks are just some of the stories).  Choose your Life. Your life is now.  Don’t miss it.  You may be proud on some level of how much you’ve accomplished so far, but you may also regret big time what you’ve missed out on life’s relationships with family or friends.  Sounds trite but wouldn’t you rather look at your life in terms of  much love, kindness, laughter and time you share?  And if you define love by how much you accomplish?  SOMETHING IS WRONG, needs to change and yes, you can do it.  I beg you not to wait. Your health depends on it.

Busy Myth 2: I can’t change this.

You’re Never Stuck Choice: Yes you can. You always have choice.  It took me a ridiculously long time to learn that. One of the ways I got there was to self talk/affirm that I always had a choice. It took a long time for this to sink in my noggin’ but it did eventually.

Busy Myth 3: I don’t have any control over how busy I am.

You’re Never Stuck Choice: Again, yes you do.  If you are talking about work or your boss, read the book Managing Up: How to Forge an Effective Relationship With Those Above You by Rosanne Badowski. If you manage up, you will have more time, be even more successful and enjoy your work hard.  I know, because I had my own employees do this and they LOVED IT.  And by the way, this works on spouses too. Hee-hee.

Busy Myth 4: I don’t have enough time.

You’re Never Stuck Choice: Yes, you do. Really. There are a variety of tools that can help you make this choice.  For example. Louise Hay reminds us that  is just a thought, and a thought can be changed. (She uses affirmations to change it.) Byron Katie reminds us that this too is just a “story” and helps us change that thought by taking us through inquiry of 5 questions. Karen Casey in her fabulous book, Let Go Now, uses the Al-Anon principles of detachment and reminds us that often times the first step is just “being willing” to experience life differently.

Busy Myth 5: You don’t understand… (Fill in the blank…because you don’t have kids, you don’t have a sick parent like I do, you aren’t broke and need to make a house payment.)

You’re Never Stuck Choice: Yes I understand. I used to run myself ragged. I still do at times.  I have to self check all the time and pull myself back from The Busy Myth.  But I and my clients have learned is that there is always a solution to this busy stuff. Maybe getting some paid help. Or asking a true friend (who won’t charge you), a family member or  a neighbor for help.  I talk of this in my book, Lessons From  A Headhunter…With Heart!  Trust me on this: at their core, people like helping other people.  So don’t make my mistake and be afraid to ask.

Okay, that’s enough “being busy” for the day.  I think I must practice a bit of self-care and take a nap now.  Practice what you preach and all…

With Love,

Patricia A. Comeford

Author, Lessons from a Headhunter with …Heart!


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Filed under Kindness, Law of Attraction, Life, Martha Beck, Personal Growth, Relationship Related Blogs, relationships, Stress