How To Dump Your Inner Mean Girl

Last week I was speaking with a long time business colleague and the subject turned to beliefs and specifically, limiting beliefs. Both us concluded that much of our adult life has been spent unlearning beliefs that no longer serve us. Crazy, huh?

 I first learned about “limiting beliefs” from Gail Straub and David Gerson in their fabulous workshops & books entitled Empowerment. (I know, an overused term but this was the 80’s folks and they were way ahead of the curve!)

In short, a limiting belief is exactly what it sounds like– it limits you. Like any belief, it can be rooted out but that’s not enough. They must be dumped.  My favorite way to dump them (discussed at length in Lesson 18, of my book, Lessons From a Headhunter… With Heart! ) is to turn them around them around until they work for me with a belief that expands me. 

So in the spirit of helping others learn my past tortured self, here’s a limiting belief I struggled with forever:

 I’m not good enough

I call this particular limiting belief: my inner mean girl. It’s a doozy, isn’t it?  It knows no bounds. Until we dump it, it often manifests itself in the relationships we choose; how well we take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually; how we groom ourselves and how we operate in the world. I’ve learned it’s really about deserving.  Here’s what my inner mean girl looked like for me:

  • I dated unavailable men in all shapes and sizes for years and years;
  •  I beat myself to a pulp running miles and miles that ruined my feet and ankles;;
  •  I didn’t advocate for myself with doctors when I knew there was something wrong with my thyroid;
  •  I didn’t think I deserved to own a house until I got married.

Excuse me, but what the what? Rest assured these beliefs were not ones my parents wanted for me. Both my parents were huge advocates for women. Frankly, I no longer spend time analyzing where I learned how to be mean to myself. I spend all my energy working the Turn-Around and the Expanding Belief.

Want to hear my Turn-Around? My Expanding Belief?  Let me know in the comments below and I’ll share it. And how about you? What does your inner mean girl sound like and how can I help you dump it?

With Love,

Patty Comeford Adams

Ps.  Two terrific resources on examining your limiting beliefs are:  (1)Renee Stephens’ fabulous free podcast @; and (2)  Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life.


Filed under Career Coach, Inspirational Themed Blogs, Self Help

How To Get Unstuck from a Job You Hate

I receive a lot of emails from folks about feeling stuck in jobs, marriage, and money situations. Of late the bulk seem to go like this: ” Help! I hate my job!! I need to get out here asap! What can I do?”  So today, we focus on getting unstuck from a job you hate.

The first thing you have to do is dial back the hate big time. I know, I know you deserve to kick and scream and vent. But I’m here to tell you after 18 years in the recruiting business, hating your job won’t help you find something better. Sorry to ruin the pity party but it’s true. Now don’t think I’m getting all “judge-y” with you. Heck, I fell into that trap myself. I hated my job as a lawyer from day two and I stayed there hating and telling everyone that I hated it for two whole years. All that hating just made me feel stuck, unable to move forward and very miserable.

We see this phenomenon in other areas of our life. Dr John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute has performed decades of research on couples’ relationships.  Gottman has found 4 kinds of negativity , which he calls “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. The research shows that  4 horsemen literally destroy relationships. They include:

  1. Criticism;
  2. Contempt;
  3. Defensiveness; and
  4. Stonewalling.

So what does couples research have to do with job search and career fulfillment? Well, as it turns out, quite a bit.

Criticism and contempt are often present in individuals thinking about or undergoing a job search.  With criticism, it is certainly easier to focus on what’s wrong with our employer or boss. Contempt rears its ugly head in all sorts of ways including sarcasm, cynicism, put-downs.  Defensiveness and stonewalling seem to run rampant in the workplace.  God forbid we take responsibility for our situation and communicate!


So how do we get past the 4 deadly horsemen and get unstuck?

Again, we can learn from Gottman’s research. One of the first things Gottman does is to challenge couples to communicate 5 positive comments for every negative one. Try it in your relationship; it’s not so easy!.

For me, the career lesson learned was that when I stopped criticizing and hating my job, things began to shift in my work life. No, it didn’t magically change, gates didn’t fly open and birds didn’t start chirping from the heavens above, but things did shift and eventually change dramatically.

So this week when you catch yourself hating on whatever, I challenge you to try “the Gottman”and see what starts to unfold.

And as always, if you would be so kind as to share your story/struggle/advice with others below, we’d be most grateful. Heck, you might even help someone get unstuck!

With Love,
Patty Comeford Adams


Filed under Self Help

Ways to Look 10 Pounds Lighter Today: Tip #3

Happy weekend  peeps! I hope this finds you enjoying your weekend and psyched once again to look 10 pounds lighter instantly! This is one of those tips that will work for anyone regardless of your weight. And fellow short girls, you’re going to love this tip!

Tip#3: Find That Hidden Wedge.

The Hidden Wedge? What am I talking about? Well, last year I was looking at pair of Uggs for our annual holiday trip to Jackson Hole and kept thinking how dumpy I looked in them. Then I happened upon a pair online that had a hidden wedge (and a zipper ~ha!) and thought why not?

I’m not exaggerating when my women friends kept saying “Have you lost weight?” That comment was usually followed by “Your legs look so long; what have you been doing to workout?” Even my “Pilates Possy” kept asking me what I was doing and where they could get them! I wore them so much that I literally wore them out. Hence, no picture and unfortunately, Uggs no longer makes them. :(

Not to be deterred,  I’ve combed the web and  curated 3 different pairs of hidden wedges for you that can be on your doorstep next week. Each are spectacular in their own right (and they don’t cost as much).

1. Nine West Tall Boot:  I love that you can get them in any color and even suede. The zipper in the back not only makes for easy on & off but also really gives it an expensive look.

2. Enzo Tall Boot :  These are simple and chic. Always a recipe for great personal style! You can wear them with anything.

3. ANNA Ankle Bootie:  We all know that ankle booties are everywhere this season and this might be my favorite of the season.They are faux leather and have a rubber sole so no stains or slipping.  And that clasp! I swear it  makes it look like they are made by  Givenchy or Celine! I’m thinking of ordering these in black and brown as I know they will go fast!

I’d love to hear your thoughts below  and see you in a picture of  hidden wedges looking ever so tall and lean.

And always remember ~ You’re Never Stuck!


Patty Comeford Adams

Patty Adams


Filed under boots, Clothes, Fashion, Fitness, Inspirational Themed Blogs, Self Help, shoes, thin, wedges, weight

Ways To Look Ten Pounds Lighter Today: Tip #2

Welcome back peeps and Happy Labor Day weekend!

Our last post was such a resounding success that we continue our series, “Ways to Look Ten Pounds Lighter Today: Tip #2. And thank you for all your private message and comments!

I don’t know about you but I’m sick, tired and confused about all these “experts” telling me what to eat and not eat and promising magic results overnight. Coffee’s good for you ; coffee’s bad for you; now it’s good again! Whaaaateverrrrr. That said, there are several things you can do without spending a dime to look instantly slimmer.

Tip #2: Ditch the “Mom Capri” .

Right now, go in your closet and donate them all. They are not coming back nor should they~ ever! They not only make our legs look short, our ankles big, accentuate us in all the wrong places but they date us. See what I mean?



Please don’t be offended. I used to wear them too. But clearly the same misguided man who put only  2 stalls in a woman’s bathroom invented them. Remember “Mom Jeans”? Well, I’m declaring war on the “Mom Capris”. These lovely women deserve better; we all do!

One caveat: I’m not taking about getting rid of the ankle pant, a tailored crop pant, pencil pant or your cute yoga pants. And yes, gauchos are “in” but that’s a whole different story for another day. Just rid yourself of the Mom Capri asap. You’ve got all of Labor Day weekend to do it!

And always remember~You’re Never Stuck!


Patty Comeford Adams

ps. And if you don’t know what to replace them with, have a picture of you tossing your Mom Capris, have ideas for others on what to replace them with or a question please comment below or shoot me an email.


Filed under Clothes, Fashion, Inspirational Themed Blogs, Self Help, women

Ways To Look 10 Pounds Lighter Today: Tip#1

Recently I tweeted from @youreneverstuck  asking folks to direct message me about where they feel most stuck. For many of us +40 women, the resounding message was- my weight! So without joining the masses who tell you what you should or shouldn’t eat/drink/exercise, this short fashion post is for you!

Tip #1: Make it monochromatic.

Trust me, from someone who’s “blessed” with a short waist, this little fashion trick does wonders.

Note that it needn’t all black either. Pick your favorite color and it needn’t be tucked in. An added bonus in monochromatic dressing is that it also looks expensive.  Here are a few favorite looks:


Yes, all these models are annoyingly skinny.  (Sorry about that! ) However, notice the monochromatic look also makes them look taller, leaner and polished.

Give it a try, let me know how you do and/or send me a picture!

With Love,

Patty Comeford Adams 

ps. To get the full effect, I recommend your shoes are the same color ( unless your wearing a cast 😈)  The eye will grasp it all as one;  making you look well …10 pounds lighter!


Filed under Fashion, Self Help, women

How To Sell Your Business & Walk Out The Next Day: Part 2

Having something valuable to sell does not translate to having a buyer. Why? Because to attract the attention of buyers, you must be visible—to the right people. While a good product or service makes you visible,  entrepreneurs have  to raise awareness themselves.

Here some tips:

Ask yourself—Who needs to notice your company?

Your competitors are an obvious market. They do what you do; maybe they want to buy your company and do more of it. So, go ahead and identify large industry players, but go the next step as well. Identify what companies might want to add your business as a competitive advantage to their portfolio. Case in point–the company that acquired my business had a portfolio of HR-related companies and had just begun building legal and accounting divisions.

Once you have done your research, you are ready to start networking. I’m not talking about taking the easy way out and emailing or tweeting them. I’m talking about actual face to face contact. What conferences do they attend? What contacts do you have in common? Who could introduce you?

You can obviously start with those charged with acquisitions. But don’t stop with the obvious targets or assume you have to start at that level. . The reality is that you never know where a contact—whether social or professional—will lead. I knew I was going to sell my company some day, and I wasn’t shy about sharing that bold idea with anyone who would listen!

Ask yourself—How do I make the company visible?

I’m dating myself here, but I was operating pre-social media. The acquisitions person that called was someone I had reached out to early on in business. I had read about him, sent him a handwritten note, later chatted. Don’t kid yourself. The “old ways” still work because few are doing them.  Today’s entrepreneurs have an entire new arsenal of tactics at their disposal via Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram.  Turn those imaginings into action. No excuses!

Here are a couple ideas from my playbook:

  • Give lots of free, valuable advice consistently. As I mentioned in my last post, we wrote trade and magazine articles, career tip sheets, employer tip sheets, spoke at national and local conventions, participated in roundtables, joined committees, and sat on boards. We also reached out beyond our business world and did things like sponsor concerts and speakers. And yes, all this took time. A lot of time. My personal rule: I dedicated 50 percent of my time to this kind of marketing.
  • Build trust relationships with reporters. I believe one of an entrepreneur’s duties is to speak for the company (primarily for brand consistency). It shouldn’t be delegated to a public relations firm or someone who isn’t in senior management. Thus, I reached out to local and national reporters with story ideas. Importantly, those story ideas were not about us, but were trend stories, up-and-comer stories, career success stories, and client stories. They not only helped establish the company as an expert in the field, but also helped the reporters succeed in their jobs. Reporters are always looking for ideas. Try it, you will see!
  • Hired a team to put together impeccable financial summaries. As they say, part of success is knowing what you are not good at. Consequently, I hired two people I respected to help me showcase our financials in detail. I presented the financials at my first “casual” meeting with the acquisition’s lead. I thought he was going to faint. He told me it was not uncommon for them to have to go through shoeboxes filled with data to figure out the kind of information I presented! To this day, I believe our showcasing efforts were key to establishing credibility in our negotiations.

When I was approached about selling The Esquire Group, I was not in the market to sell, but forced myself to listen to the offer. In hindsight, I realize this was not a fluke, but a consequence of doing more than selling a good service.

  • We advised others.
  • We shared our good fortune.
  • We knew who we were and who we were not.

All that made us an attractive purchase.

My commitment to advising did not end with the closing of the sale, however, so please comment below, or message me privately.

Remember…You’re Never Stuck!

With Love,

Patty Comeford Adams

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Filed under Acquistion, Business, Career Coach, Employment, Entrepreneur, Jobs, Self Help